I recently answered four interesting questions about my clinical work for a Danish publication:
1)
What is the most unusual or odd form of therapy/method you’ve ever had to go about to ensure an effective therapy and a good alliance with a client?
The client that comes to mind is Natalie. Natalie told me she’d been a multiple personality since childhood when her different alters provided protection from a brutally abusive environment. She felt she had already dealt with the abuse and didn’t want to become integrated into a single self, but rather wanted “co-consciousness,” a state in which the alters would be aware of each other’s experience without losing their separate identities. Natalie entered therapy because she had lost access to some of her most intuitive subselves.
I didn’t have any idea of how to help Natalie recontact her missing alters or promote co-consciousness. I shared my lack of experience in these matters and Natalie responded that her doctor had referred her, had said good things about me, and that she trusted her completely. Besides, she added, the previous therapist, a dissociative identity expert, had all but demanded that Natalie give up her alters in service of an integrated personality. Natalie wanted nothing to do with that. Natalie told me that she didn’t fit the mold of how that therapist thought about multiples, and added, “I can’t help that!”
But I was willing to not know—to explore her world, to find out how her system worked, to validate it, and try to discover a way to help her re-access her alters. Natalie was quite remarkable: witty, obviously bright, and very artistic. She worked as a copy editor for a magazine by day and by night was an accomplished oil painter. Over the next few sessions, Natalie and others in her system explained to me that her alters lived in various rooms in a visualized house. Some were practical, others intuitive, and others tough as nails. She would visualize the pathway to the different alters’ rooms to access them; whoever had the best skills then emerged to deal with whatever life dished out. Except for now, when some of them had mysteriously gone missing. I sincerely told Natalie—an extremely intuitive woman, or collection of women—that I thought she had a “wonderful system,” and suggested she think of all the ways she had gained access to her alters before.
A possible source to the problem was finally discovered. Natalie said she thought that the alters were hiding because her boyfriend, Joe, was embroiled in extreme, ongoing arguments with a brother and sister over the impending sale of their grandparents’ farm. Natalie believed that the alters were frightened and hiding much like they did when she was a child. Once Joe became less unpredictably volatile, Natalie thought, access to her missing alters would return. With this discovery made, we focused on ways to address Joe’s anger, and otherwise, in Natalie’s words, “deflect it” and diminish its impact on her alters. Natalie implemented our ideas and Joe responded by calming down and becoming more attentive to Natalie’s needs. Subsequently, over the next days, several others “came home.”
But my confusion didn’t stop there. With the crisis with Joe abated, Natalie identified a new goal of addressing her Epstein-Barr virus. In the next session, a wise, spiritually centered, martial artist alter named “Nora” showed up. Since Natalie was already adept at visualization, I had planned to suggest that we fine tune her skills to rally her resources against the virus. I suggested this to Nora instead and we worked on various martial arts images to combat the virus. I wondered aloud if it was possible to teach the others the same skills and Nora said she would try.
Perhaps in my most speechless encounter with a client, Natalie appeared in the next session and with great enthusiasm exclaimed, “I’m a me! My experienced and tempered empathic therapeutic response: “Say what?” This video sequence has brought down the house in my trainings. I am so dumbfounded, so confused—I clearly don’t know what the hell is going on. But as I always say, at least I was authentically stupid!
Then Natalie explained: Nora had called a meeting in a visualized library to communicate to the alters what she had learned about Epstein Barr. It was the first time they had all been in the same room together. Natalie reported that each alter had come forward, naming her special gifts to the overall system. After praying together, each alter had said, “I belong.”
Then Natalie told me, “Now I’m a ‘me,’ and I’m different. I am the collage of their gifts. Everybody’s there. And if they want, they could still come out, but I’m a me. This me is finding out a lot of things. I’m articulate. I have movement. I definitely have a temper, and I can express it. It’s like I’m looking through a pair of new eyes that have never been touched or scarred.” Again, I was dumbstruck! She had gone beyond “co-consciousness” to a form of integration that she welcomed. I sat stunned for some time before Natalie asked me if she could give me a hug. I am not sure, in retrospect, whether it was celebratory hug or one designed to comfort me and reel my confusion in.
Natalie stands out to me because I never have felt more cast adrift. I didn’t have a clue about what to do—no theoretical or technical training prepared me for this client and how therapy progressed over time. In reality, that’s the way it always is. But I was there hunting for what could work, adding something when I could—the anger suggestions and the imagery to help combat the virus—until the unexpected occurred. I believe it is best described, for me, as a collaborative expedition for the magic of the moment. Not the magic of the sweeping, dramatic gesture or an isolated technique or any other novelty, but rather the magic that grows out of exploring the client’s world, validating their experiences, and discovering what works.
2) Have you ever had to make use of a method, technique or a theory in a therapy session, where you have found it necessary to compromise your ethics or values in life, to create or retain a good alliance and effectiveness in therapy?
No. I have experienced many encounters with clients in which I challenged my values and ethics, and perhaps stretched them, but not compromised them. Here is one example. This is a bit of tawdry tale. Richard, a 29-year-old systems analyst, was referred by his company doctor because of Richard’s increasing distress and frequent absences. When I greeted Richard in the waiting room, he jumped out of his chair, got right in my face—not 3 inches away—and demanded “What are you going to do for me?”
Richard didn’t look too good. The 60 cent therapy words would be agitated and disheveled. I tried to stay calm and just invited him to accompany me to my office, whereupon Richard raised his voice another notch and repeated his question, and was once again, too close for comfort.
I was definitely freaked at this point but I simply replied that I didn’t know if I could do anything for him but that I would try my very best. Richard finally sat down on my couch and told his story, and the flood gates opened. Richard began suspecting his wife, Justine, of having an affair after he discovered footprints in the snow in his backyard. Consequently, he followed her, searched her belongings, and kept track of her whereabouts. But he could not find the incontrovertible evidence that he was sure existed. Throughout Richard’s growing mistrust, Justine emphatically denied the affair and told him he needed help. Perhaps in desperation, Richard began to secretly check Justine’s underwear for signs of semen, which would provide ironclad evidence of her unfaithfulness (given there was no sex with him).
Finally, Richard found stains on her underwear and took it to a laboratory which confirmed the presence of semen. Justine still denied his accusations and insisted the semen was his. She stepped up her efforts to involve others, telling friends, family, his employer, and their own children, that Richard was sick and in need of hospitalization. Justine rallied many to her cause and filed for divorce. The company doctor concurred with her assessment, as did the first provider that Richard saw, a psychiatrist who offered an antipsychotic to ease Richard’s pain.
After Richard’s first unsuccessful encounter with the psychiatrist, the company doctor was peeved. Perhaps hoping to admonish Richard into sanity, he had yelled “Cut the crap!” Richard didn’t do much to disconfirm everyone’s assessment of his sanity. He was doing some pretty whacky things, and looked more distressed and haggard with each passing day.
Richard told me that he was obtaining a DNA analysis of the semen to see if it was a match with his. While scrutinizing my every reaction, not in a threatening way but rather like a condemned man waiting for a sentence, he nervously asked me if I believed him.
So was Richard psychotic or was Justine a liar? Subsequently, I talked with Justine and invited her to therapy but she declined. She was very persuasive and pulled out all the stops to describe Richard as a hopelessly psychotic and in need of medical help, noting that Richard’s sister was also schizophrenic and lived in a group home. What would you say to Richard?
I told Richard that I did believe him. Richard allowed himself a moment of relief, but pressed on and told me that the DNA test was going to cost a lot of money. He then leaned forward, stared uncomfortably, and asked me the big question: did I think he was crazy for spending all that money?
I responded that peace of mind is cheap at any price. Richard broke down and cried long and hard. He had been through a lot, and was starting to believe what many had told him—that he was paranoid and needed medication. After a while, we started talking about what he needed to do to stop looking crazy while he waited on the DNA results. If we took the affair as a given, and that her intent was to make him look crazy as a loon, then everything he was doing was playing right into her hands. Richard and I worked out a plan to get normalcy back in his life: return to work, start spending time with his kids, and taking better care of himself. He did all of those things and continued to bide his time as best he could.
Finally the results came in. Although Richard was greatly saddened when the DNA results confirmed that the semen was not his, he was not surprised. Ultimately, the whole seamy business came to light, and Richard went about rebuilding his life.
I was so moved by Richard’s response, the depth of his wailing, to my simple act of believing him and understanding his desire to know what was going on that I have never forgotten it. Richard taught me that I have to believe my clients, pure and simple. Honestly, while Richard told me his story, I struggled with believing him, which I knew was risky to our alliance. But I ultimately made a conscious choice, during that session, to believe Richard—that it didn’t matter how bizarre it seemed or how classically paranoid it looked. I decided, at the very least, that my clients deserve to be believed. That was a significant event in my development as a therapist. From that day on, I no longer struggled with being a reality police officer And while it’s true that sometimes people do lie, even maliciously, like Justine, I am willing to suspend disbelief until the “facts” appear or maybe into perpetuity.
3) What is the most fun part of working with clients within a frame of reference which contains no fixed techniques, theory or method?
The most fun part is never knowing what is going to happen when you put two resourceful, unique individuals in a room who engage each another in this beautiful interpersonal event we call psychotherapy. The magnificently inexplicable is always lingering, and the joy of discovery ever present. The uncertainty within a frame of reference with no fixed ideas ore methods creates unlimited possibilities for change. It is this indeterminacy that gives therapy its texture and infuses it with the excitement of discovery. This allows for the “heretofore unsaid,” the “aha moments,” and all the spontaneous ideas, connections, conclusions, plans, insights, resolves, and new identities that emerge when you put two people together and call it therapy. This doesn’t mean, of course, that it’s all fireworks (just watch an entire session rather than edited video clips), it just means that tolerance for uncertainty creates the space for new directions and insights to occur to both the client and the therapist.
The tolerance for uncertainty, however, requires faith—faith in the client, faith in yourself, and faith in psychotherapy. But I am certain of one thing: uncertainty is the key that unlocks the potential for discovery. It is hard to discover something if you already know what it is that you are looking for and where it is. Because CDOI is unencumbered by any particular theoretical or explanatory concepts, there is a freedom to speculate. Some ideas grow into relevant discussion, while others fade away as it becomes apparent they are not helpful to pursue. This process seeks to chart a different course—connections, conclusions, solutions, etc.—in any form, that permits a way to address the client’s goals, to encourage an increase on the Outcome Rating Scale (available in Danish, free for personal use at www.heartandsoulofchange.com).
From a discovery-oriented perspective, the word “intervention” does not adequately describe the collaborative process that emerges. To intervene is “to come into or between by way of hindrance or modification.” It implies something done to clients rather than with them, and consequently overemphasizes the technical expertise of the therapist, inaccurately portraying what makes therapy successful. The word intervention does not capture the interdependence of technique on the client’s resources and ideas or how technique is successful to the extent that it emerges from the client’s positive evaluation of the alliance. The words “invent” and “invention” seems more apropos to discovery. To invent is to “find or discover, to produce for the first time through imagination or ingenious thinking and experiment.” Every technique is used for the first time, invented by clients and therapists to fit the client’s unique attributes and circumstance.
The therapist and client are co-explorers, searching the client’s world for the map that provides a route of restoration. As co-adventurers, you encounter multiple opportunities for sharing your respective vantage points while crossing the terrain of the client’s world, periodically stopping to consult your ORS/SRS compass to ensure you are headed in the right direction. When lost along the way, you regroup to look for alternate routes on your maps, as well as the maps of others you encounter on the journey. Such expeditions often uncover trails that we never dreamed existed.
4. If you at one point in your life was to seek therapy (of course depending on why) how would I as a therapist manage to obtain a good alliance between us and ensure effectiveness?
I have consulted a therapist twice in my life and I had a good experience both times. I don’t think I would want anything different than most clients who make their way into our offices. I want to be heard, understood, and respected. I want you to see me as transcending my problems, that my humanity is not represented by the problem, that I am not my problem. I want validation of my experience and for you to believe that I have good reason to think, feel, and behave the way I do, even if it doesn’t fit your experience. Finally, I would want my ideas about how I might change to remain central, and that your interest in your own ideas would fade if they did not resonate with me.
The best way to secure a good alliance with me and ensure effectiveness would be to monitor both the alliance and outcome in each session. This would not leave either the alliance or effectiveness to chance. By creating a culture of feedback, and aspiring to transparency and collaboration, together we could make sure that we were on the right track regarding my benefit from your services and that you were fitting my expectations about how therapy was conducted. If things were not going well, your non-defensive response would be critical along with your wiliness to explore options, including referring me on to someone else.
And don’t forget this month’s free webinar about my book, On Becoming a Better Therapist. This month’s webinar covers Chapter 3 and will be on September 28th, 6-7:30PM Central. Register now at: https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/945596986 I’ll start our discussion with a 25 minute overview and then I’ll turn it over to you for your questions, comments, and reflections. It should be fun. For those of you who can’t attend live, I’ll record the sessions and post them on the website so you can access the discussions at your leisure.