Here is an excerpt from On Becoming a Better Therapist:

While I often don’t remember where I leave my glasses, I still vividly recall my first client, Tina. A long time ago in a galaxy far way, I was in my initial clinical placement in graduate school at the Dayton Mental Health and Developmental Center, a euphemism for the state hospital. Tina was like a lot of the clients: young, poor, disenfranchised, heavily medicated, and on the merry-go-round of hospitalizations—and, at the ripe old age of 22, a “chronic schizophrenic.”

I gathered up the battery of tests I was attempting to gain competence with, and was on my merry but nervous way to the assessment office, a stark, run-down room in a long past its prime, barrack-style building that reeked of cleaning fluids over-used to cover up some other worse smell, the institutional stench. But on the way I couldn’t help but notice all the looks I was getting—a smirk from an orderly, a wink from a nurse, and funny looking smiles from nearly everyone else. My curiosity piqued, I was just about to ask what was going on when the chief psychologist, a kindly old guy, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Barry, you might want to leave the door open.” And I did.

I greeted Tina, a young, extremely pale woman with short brown, cropped hair, who might have looked a bit like Mia Farrow in the Rosemary’s Baby era had Tina lived in friendlier circumstances, and introduced myself in my most professional voice. And before I could sit down and open up my test kit, Tina started to take off her clothes, mumbling something indiscernible. I just stared in disbelief. Tina was undaunted by my dismay and quickly was down to her bra and underwear when I finally broke my silence and said, “Tina, what are you doing? Tina responded not with words but with actions, removing her bra like it had suddenly become made of wool and very uncomfortable. So there we were, a graduate student, speechless, in his first professional encounter, and a client sitting nearly naked, mumbling now quite loudly but still nothing I could understand, and contemplating whether to stand up to take her underwear off or simply continue her mission while sitting.

In desperation, I pleaded, “Tina, would you please do me a big favor? She looked at me for the first time, and said, “What?” I replied, “I would really be grateful if you could put your clothes back on and help me get through this assessment. I’ve done them before, but never with a client, and I am kinda freaked out about it.” Tina whispered, “Sure,” and put her clothes back on. And although Tina struggled with the testing and clearly was not enjoying herself, she completed it. I was so genuinely appreciate of Tina’s help that I told her she really pulled me through my first real assessment. She smiled proudly, and ultimately smiled at me every time she saw me from then on.

So Tina started my psychotherapy journey and offered up my first lessons for consideration: authenticity matters and when in doubt or in need of help, ask the client. Those lessons have served me well.

On Becoming demonstrates how systematic client feedback provides the means for clients to teach you how to do good work. It embodies the lessons I learned from Tina, providing for a transparent interpersonal process that solicits the clients help in ensuring a positive outcome.

Please join me this July 22 at 6PM Central for a free webinar discussion of my book. Each month will cover a different chapter. I’ll start our discussion with a 15 minute overview and then I’ll turn it over to you for your questions, comments, and reflections. It should be fun. For those of you who can’t attend live, I’ll record the sessions and post them on the website so you can access the discussions at your leisure. In addition, right after the webinar, I’ll be hosting a two-hour discussion about each chapter of the book on the heroicagencies list .

July 22: 6PM Central to 7:30 It’s free! Every month a free webinar!

Reserve your Webinar seat now at:
https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/863269466